Sitcom Idea


Apparently this is a true fact from history: that disgraced, crooked, philandering televangelist (to be fair, in the ’80s it was the custom among televangelists to be philandering, crooked, and then briefly disgraced) and former puppeteer Jim Bakker, during his 45-year fraud sentence, shared a cell with

nelson1. national skydiving champion and occasional international drug smuggler Roger “Freak Brother” Nelson and

larouche_70s_tv2. part-time communist and part-time fascist and full time conspiracy nut and perennial fifth-party presidential candidate Lyndon Larouche.

laroucheBakker once claimed that “to say LaRouche was a little paranoid would be like saying that the Titanic had a little leak.” You may know him best for popularizing the theory that Gorbachev’s birthmark is the mark of the beast. The show writes itself!

Surely Bakker and LaRouche could find common ground fighting Satan, while mutual enemy hippie Nelson tries to hide his drugs in the communal toilet. But then Bakker’s Zionist beliefs don’t sit well with LaRouche’s view that the Jews created Romanticism (which is bad, he would say). Bakker once ran America’s most popular non-Disneybakker2 amusement park (Heritage USA) and Nelson founded Skydive Chicago, “one of the USA’s largest skydiving centers”; all LaRouche ever founded was a cult that explicitly brainwashes its members (to remove previous, Kant-based brainwashing) so now he’s in the doghouse.

2Dn3sjaBQlqj_tK7fSJLiA(Bakker’s sentence was eventually overturned, and now he’s back on TV, but not before Jerry Falwell called him “the greatest scab and cancer on the face of Christianity in 2,000 years of church history.” Nelson, after release, died (like his fellow Freak Brother Carl Nelson before him) while skydiving. LaRouche is loose, too, now, and angry at Dostoevsky. So we’d have to set this show in the past, in the early ’90s.)

The title: Bakker’s Dozen, but there only three of them. Only one set, because they never leave the cell. I think we could milk this for three or four seasons.


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